Festival: Yes/NO!

25 03 2011

So, remember the name-tag incident? and the festival I unwillingly took part in preparing for? I attended that festival today. It was a fundraiser. Lots of things for sale (baked goods, T-shirts, necklaces, linen, . . . etc.).

I had planned to attend this “event” as a means for me to familiarize myself with the organization. Also, I am working really hard on not allowing myself to retreat into my bubble, which is extremely difficult for me to exit, once inside. So, this morning, as I was feeling really tired and depressed. I debated whether I should go. “What’s to see or do? It’s going to be a festival with tons of people. It’s not like I am going to learn anything anyway!”  After lots of mental back and forth, I just decided to go, for the sake of getting out of the house. And it was quite an effort to get through getting dressed.

When I arrived and saw the budding crowd, I immediately felt that inner pang: “Mistake. NO! Why did you come here? Look how nice and confident these people look! And you look neither nice nor confident! Stay in the car. Go home.”

I didn’t listen. I just registered and opened the car door slowly and started walking, looking for familiar faces. I registered the smiling faces, the colorful outfits, all compared to my striking dullness, inside and out. Walking. When I reached a familiar face, she immediately asked/assigned me help with the bake sale stand. “NO!”

“Bake sale! You mean talking to strangers? Answering endless questions? Dealing with lines of people? NO!” I said, “OK. I can do that.”

At the beginning I was very stiff and tense. I stood and watched mostly and then started writing up price tickets. Within half-an-hour, I was selling and interacting big-time. Enjoyment actually crept up on me. I was involved for a few hours! Lo’ and behold, TV cameras on site! (I am not that brave yet.) Anyway, I really enjoyed answering the questions and helping people make choices. It actually felt good. Who would have known?!

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