When do you know?

11 05 2011
When do you know
there’s no going back?
Is it when you
make a habit
of shocking yourself?
Is it when you know
that you must,
and your mind
simultaneously
obeys and defies?
Is it when you know
the one you most distrust,
and rightly so,
is you?
Is it when you know
you are marooned
in your hollow selfhood?
Is it when you know
that matters,
trivial,
to others,
are fatal to you?
Or is it when you know
you are embarking
on self-laceration
yet
acquiesce,
obligingly?
Is it when you see the hole
under your feet,
slowly close your eyes,
and jump in,
with a smile?
Is it when you see
you are falling more and more
into the abyss of your mind?
Is it when you know
your awareness
is at once
your greatest asset
and highest nemesis?
Is it when you can’t keep up,
even with your thoughts?
Is it when the world,
including your voice,
is void of compassion?
Perhaps it is when you know
all this
and take comfort
in the knowledge.
Perhaps it is when you no longer feel
a need
a pressing urge
to fight
to “fix”
anything.
Perhaps you never know.
The thread.
No longer there.
The connection
Lost.
The tie.
The bond.
The light.
No more.
You are
Serene.
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